Category: Seekers and Skeptics

In seekers and skeptics posts, I write specifically for those outside of the Christian faith. I know some will be considering the faith, some will be exploring spiritually, and some will come to any consideration of Christian claims with considerable suspicion.  If this describes you at all, I’m glad you’re here. Welcome!

An Apology and a Plea to Those Hurt by and Disillusioned with the Church

Have you been hurt by the Church? Christians have hurt many people. For example, some church leaders violate the high standards of their calling, knowingly using their position to harm others.

There are many other people who have not personally experienced these deep levels of abuse but have, for various reasons, become disillusioned with the Church. For example, the experience of gossip within a congregation can contribute to hurt feelings and disillusionment.

This piece is an inadequate, but sincere attempt to offer an apology and a plea to those of you who have been hurt by the Church or become disillusioned with the Church. I don’t address every sort of situation.

Nor can I address each situation with the depth and dignity they deserve (that your situation deserves). Too often church leaders and church people do not acknowledge these situations unless we are forced to.  

3 Ways People Have been Hurt by the Church

1. They were abused by a Christian.

When a family member, a member of the clergy, or a leader in the Church abuses physically, sexually, spiritually, and or emotionally another human being, made in God’s image, a heinous sin has taken place. People carry deep wounds from these incidents. Not only has the abuser inflicted harm.

The abuser has also damaged the victim’s relationship with the Church and often with God. Ordinarily, a person trying to find healing after a difficult incident in their life could look to their faith community and to God for support.

For those abused by Christians, and especially church leaders, this avenue of healing has at best has been comprised, and in many situations has been cut off entirely. For victims, Church often becomes an unsafe place to be avoided. Faith can become a word devoid of any positive meeting.

♥ If you have experienced something like this, I am so sorry. It was wrong what that person or group of people did to you. They violated the teachings of the Christian faith in their actions toward you. You did not deserve it.

♥If there were legal crimes committed against you, those individuals need to be held legally accountable. They also need to be held accountable by the structures of the Church. They have to answer for what they have done.   

2. They were let down by a Christian leader.

A pastor who yelled at someone in a meeting. A nun who was cruel. A priest who did not visit a loved one in the care home.

There are also “dramatic” letdowns such as when an admired Christian leader falls in a public way, revealing a “double-life” and a behavior of abuse or financial scandal incompatible with the loving and life-giving ways of Jesus Christ. 

 ♥ If you have been let down by a Christian leader, I am so sorry. In terms of scandals there is no excuse for that kind of behavior and what I wrote above under the “abuse” heading applies here. For the more everyday letdowns, these can be tremendously hurtful.

♥ I am sorry you had to go through that. To have that leader not show up or that leader to behave in the way they did. On behalf of all church leaders, I apologize for the letdown you experienced.

3. They experienced the Church negatively.

This is a broad category. Some people experienced churches that were oppressive, judgmental, and harsh. In these settings, people’s experience of Christian faith was not one of mercy, love, and kindness, but of impossibly high standards, cruel judgment, and fearful demands for conformity.

Alternatively, others experienced the Church negatively by getting involved in its leadership structures, becoming unpleasantly surprised at the pettiness of some church politics.

Fights over the color of the carpet, melodramatic power plays between members of the congregation, and hurtful gossip have also caused some to become disillusioned with the Church. There are also those who have been burned out by the Church.

They gave and gave of themselves in various forms of service, leading ministries and serving on committees but received little support or acknowledgment of their important contributions.

 ♥ If you grew up in a church that was harsh, I am so sorry. They failed you by their words and actions. I am also sorry if you’ve been put off by church politics,

♥ If you’ve served the church faithfully but were never properly acknowledged for all that you did for others, I’m so sorry.

A Plea to Those Hurt by The Church

My gentle plea to you is to not let what you experienced in the past rob you of the power of faith in your life or the power of having a loving, albeit imperfect, Christian community in your life.

For those of you who have been abused and deeply wounded these words of mine probably seem an impossibility. Based on your experience you have no reason to trust anyone. You are glad not to be involved in the life of Church.

You have no desire to venture there again. I gently want to suggest there is hope for healing and new life for you. God and the people of God can be part of that. Working through your trauma is a personal journey.

A journey greatly aided and often requiring the help of a professional counselor.

Whether your hurt is at these very deep levels or whether your hurt is more simply disillusionment, let me tentatively offer some first steps. These are tentative suggestions. You know your situation better than I.

These steps may lead to a deepening of your faith, a restoring of your faith, and connecting to a supportive, loving, spiritual community. A faith that supports your healing. A faith that opens new doors and new possibilities for your life.

A community that supports you, appreciates you, and walks with you through life’s highs and lows. None of this is something you have to do. You can say no. You can say not yet. These are simply possibilities.

Some of which, I believe, God hopes for you.

Possibilities

♥ Try prayer. Be honest, “God I don’t know if I want to be talking with you” or “Show me your presence.” Pray a prayer that gave you comfort in the past. Pray it more frequently as feels helpful. You may need to think of God differently to move forward. If God as Father is not helpful, approach God as Mother or God as Light or God as Warmth.

God is infinite and many different images help us approach the many aspects of God. Maybe a return to the church or denomination of your past is appropriate. But it may be necessary to move to a new church or a new denomination.

Perhaps a denomination that shares some of your current values. Maybe instead of showing up to a church as a first step,  you participate virtually.

♥ Maybe when you muster the courage, you go to a large service where you can be anonymous. Maybe you go to a smaller service, that is less overwhelming with people and noise. Maybe you pray that God will send you a spiritual friend or two in your life. Sometimes the first step toward community is friendship.

Maybe you make a phone or in-person appointment with a pastor or spiritual director to ask your questions and to express your doubts and concerns. Maybe you try reading the Bible. Perhaps you explore Christianity.

Maybe you get an icon of Mary. Perhaps you try following the Christian year at home.  When you get involved in serving at at your new church home, set appropriate limits. Practice Sabbath.    

May God bless you and guide you. May you find Peace and Joy.

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In seekers and skeptics posts, I write specifically for those outside of the Christian faith. I know some will be considering the faith, some will be exploring spiritually, and some will come to any consideration of Christian claims with considerable suspicion.  If this describes you at all, I’m glad you’re here. Welcome!

Choosing a Religion. For most of human history the question of being religious was not a question. And most people didn’t choose a religion, they were born into a religion. To be religious was to be human and to be human was to be religious.

Today many perceive religion as an obstacle to human flourishing and development. Despite a vocal minority, the  majority of billions of human beings still find meaning, purpose, and answers to life’s most persistent questions in religion.

These humans may be rigorous in the practice of their religion. They may be casual in their practice of their religion, but they are religious to some degree. You probably encounter people who are religious on a regular basis.

Their religiosity may intrigue you. It may also be confusing , be off putting or raise lots of questions for you. Maybe you do not encounter people like this very often. Yet, you still feel a spiritual curiosity to learn more about religion.

4 Starting Points For Choosing a Religion

1. Know the Difference Between Denomination and Religion

It is important to understand what we are referring to when we use the world religion. Very often people mistakenly use the world religion to refer to a denomination or branch of a particular religion. For example, Catholics and Lutherans are not members of different religions.

They are members of different denominations of the Christian religion. Shiites and Sunnis are not members of different religions but are members of different branches of the Islamic religion. This is important to know when exploring or choosing a religion. The world’s religions are often composed of several branches or denominations.

When exploring a religion that interests you, say Buddhism for example. You want to learn about Buddhism in general, but you want to also learn about the different kinds of Buddhism. For example, Theravada and Mahayana.

Atheism and agnosticism are not religions, they are beliefs people have about certain religious claims. An atheist does not believe in God. An agnostic believes there is not enough evidence to prove or disapprove the existence of God.

Most atheists and agnostics, while not persuaded by the claims of religion, are not active in opposing religion. They simply choose not to include religion in their lives.  

2. Begin Your Search at Home

If you grew up or around a particular religion it might be worth starting your exploration there. People raised in a religion sometimes know little about it. They have collected bits and pieces of information and impressions about their religion but may not have every studied it seriously.

This often leads to misunderstandings about their religion. Beyond that most religions comes in many denominations and branches. Test your assumptions about what your religion is about or what it teaches by doing your homework, both on paper, and in connecting with people who practice your religion.

Some parents say, “We leave it to our child to choose a religion for themselves when they get older.” A problem that sometimes confronts people raised this way is that they have no point of reference for exploring religion as an adult.

If a child raised in one religion chooses another, their foundation gives them a point of comparison for understanding all religions. Atheist or agnostic parents could make sure their children receive some instruction in the religions of the world.

If you didn’t grow up with or around a religion, that’s ok. Start with a religion that shares some of your values as a starting point for your exploration.  

3. Use the Exemplar Principle

Since human beings practice religion, no religion is free of atrocities, scandals, or short comings. Atrocities, scandals, and short comings are not unique to religion. A principle to use when evaluating the merits of a particular religion or philosophy of life is what I call the exemplar principle.

Each of the major religions of the world have their exemplars. These include not only the founders of certain religions (e.g. Siddhartha Gautama ) but followers of a specific religion who are recognized as models worthy of admiration  (e.g. Mother Teresa). Research  several exemplars or role models of a religion and see if they inspire you to learn more.

The presence of one or more amazing human being in a religion does not excuse all the atrocities or scandals sometimes done in the name of that religion.

However, it does demonstrate that these failings were done not because of the teachings of the religion itself, but because followers of the religion disobeyed the teachings of their religion. For example, if a Buddhist leader (secular or sacred) was found to be cruel and malicious, this is clearly contrary to Buddhist teachings on compassion.

Also, many religions will have statements on record addressing their failings and the problem of human weakness, check these out as well.

4. Look Out for Hijacked Religion

Religion is like medicine. Just because there are bad examples of how medicine is practiced in the world does not mean we get rid of all medicine. Instead we look for better medicine, practiced well.

In the same way, just because religion is sometimes practiced in harmful ways does not mean we get rid of all religion. Instead, we look for better religion, practiced well. Throughout history there have been individuals and groups who have used religion not for its intended purpose, but their own purposes.

This still happens today. Religious individuals or groups that make unreasonable demands on your time, finances, and freedom of thought should be approached carefully and potentially, avoided all together.

Along the same lines, if you run into groups that isolate themselves from other members of their religion, groups that have no accountability beyond themselves, you should proceed very carefully.

There are noble and venerable religious traditions that as a matter of religious faith withdraw from society, such as monasteries in Buddhism and Christianity. But these monasteries still have connections to the public and to other religious communities.

Religious leaders that demand or suggest you perform violent or other immoral acts should be abandoned immediately and when appropriate reported to the authorities.

Choosing a Religion: The Adventure of the Human Spirit

Dr. Houston Smith, the late author, philosopher and scholar, wrote:

“Religion alive confronts the individual with the most momentous option life can present. It calls the soul to the highest adventure it can undertake, a proposed journey across jungles, peaks, and deserts of the human spirit. The call is to confront reality, to master the self. Those who dare to hear and follow that secret call soon learn the dangers and difficulties of its lonely journey…What then can rival its power to inspire life’s deepest creative centers?”

– The World Religions  

Religion, like any human endeavor, has its faults and failures, but religion at its best taps into an expansive understanding of the human spirit.

While many human beings in their search for meaning begin with the idea of choosing a religion, they often claim in the end, their religion choose them. May your explorations of religion bring you to the heights of beauty, truth, and goodness.

[Feel free to ignore this, but I invite you to explore Christianity, maybe for the first time or the first time seriously in a long time. Click here.]

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In seekers and skeptics posts, I write specifically for those outside of the Christian faith. I know some will be considering the faith, some will be exploring spiritually, and some will come to any consideration of Christian claims with considerable suspicion.  If this describes you at all, I’m glad you’re here. Welcome!

Exploring Christianity is a search for illumination, meaning, and truth. Christianity is a way of understanding the world. A way of understanding what life’s journey is all about. How best to make it and where to find the traps and the treasures.

When exploring Christianity, whether you are new or are returning to the faith, it is important to understand that Christianity, like most world religions, is about more than beliefs. The Anglican scholar, Dr. Alister McGrath, writes in one of his books:

“Christianity has three main elements. 1. A set of beliefs. 2. A set of values. 3. A way of life.”

– Christian Spirituality

If you are exploring Christianity seriously you will need to investigate all three elements. Some Christians do not like the word religion. They prefer to describe Christianity as a relationship, a relationship with God through Jesus Christ.

Other Christians are comfortable with the word religion because they understand religion to be in service to and enhancing of ones’ relationship with God and others.

In other words, spirituality and religion go together. Christianity is not a private exploratory quest – though it begins this way for many – but a quest that brings one into a fellowship with others.

Four Essentials for Exploring Christianity

Essential #1: Check Your Stereotypes

There are many stereotypes about Christians. Sure, you can probably find people who fit these stereotypes but this sort of thinking will be an obstacle to a fair and sincere exploration. For example, statements like, “all Christianity is anti-science,” fail on the face of the facts on the ground.

The scientist who led the human genome project is a Christian. There are large numbers of scientists and science practitioners who are devout Christians. Obviously, they are well educated scientifically, and some are also so religiously, and they find no conflict between the two. Many churches allow for a theistic evolutionary approach, some do not.

Honestly:  Christianity is complex.

Whatever assumptions you bring about Christianity, check them against the facts on the ground. Local churches as well as denominations vary significantly on many points. You’ll be surprised how much in some cases.

Essential #2: Check Out a Local Congregation

If you are going to follow, be guided by, or look for inspiration from the historical figure of Jesus of Nazareth; then, from a Christian point of view, you need to connect with the people of Jesus.

There are some religions and spiritualities that advocate a solitary, do it on your own approach, but Christianity, while offering spacious room for individual conscience and practice, advocates a faith lived in community with others.

Yes. This can be hard! It also can be immensely rewarding and life transforming. Check out a variety of churches. Maybe a family member or friend is involved in a congregation. Start there. But, please, do not stop there.

Honestly: Congregations vary immensely!

Try out several churches. This will give you an appreciation for the wide variety of service styles, variations of beliefs, and cultural expressions of the faith. You might start with churches that share some of your current values and beliefs.  

Essential #3:  Acknowledge the Worst, but also the Best

Christianity is over 2000 years old. History has many examples of Christians misbehaving, of individuals using the Church for their own purposes, and of high-profile leaders acting in ways heinously contrary to Jesus’ two greatest commandments:

“Love God” and “Love Neighbor”

– Matthew 22:36-40

When judging any world religion or ideology it is only fair to judge it by its greatest exemplars and its worst offenders.  So, sure, look at our dark history, but also look at all the good people of Christian faith have done over the last 2000 years and are still doing around the world today.

Honestly: I am so sorry if you have been hurt by the Church.

It breaks my heart when people tell me their negative experiences with Christians. Do I also hear wonderful stories of welcome and transformation? Often! Yet, every serious Christian is pained to hear the stories of those hurt or failed by the Church.

Essential #4:  Consider the Claims of Jesus

Christianity’s understanding of God and human existence is rooted in the life, teachings, death, and resurrection of Jesus Christ. Jesus’ life and teachings have influenced countless individuals over the centuries. I believe that Jesus Christ has something to offer every single human being on the planet.

This includes human beings who for whatever reason choose not to become Christian. A first step to learning about Jesus is reading the Gospel of Mark. It is the shortest and simplest of the four books about Jesus’ life from the Bible. A second step to learning about Jesus is asking several Christians about their view of and relationship with Christ.

Honestly: The teachings of Jesus are challenging.

To put them into practice can be uncomfortable. Jesus’ high calling for humans to love, serve, and forgive each other sacrificially are things we Christians believe we can only do consistently with God’s help.

When exploring Christianity understand that doubts are ok, but always put as much effort toward faith as you do toward doubt. Go ahead and read the arguments against faith and following Christ. Then make sure to read the best of the Christian responses to those arguments.

Explore the faith through music and art, as well through books and sermons. Find Christians and others to discuss the great questions of life with. Do not be afraid to ask questions, even controversial ones, just ask them respectfully.

One Final Suggestion for Exploring Christianity

Finally, in your exploration of the Christian faith I encourage you to pray. Even if you are not sure how to pray or what to say, begin somewhere. Invite God into your life. For some the exploration of faith is intellectual, for others emotional, for others relational, and for most people, a mixture of all these things and more.

I share this prayer, sometimes attributed to St. Teresa of Avila from the 16th century, (but probably from a later time) as a blessing over you in your search:

“May today there be peace within.  May you use those gifts that you have received and pass on the love that has been given to you. Let this presence settle into your bones, and allow your soul the freedom to sing, dance, praise and love. It is there for each and every one of us.”

May you journey well, may your explorations lead to truth, beauty, and goodness. May you find light for dark days, laughter for bright days, and always, peace.

Visit the Welcome Page or Read Others Posts for Seekers and Skeptics

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In seekers and skeptics posts, I write specifically for those outside of the Christian faith. I know some will be considering the faith, some will be exploring spiritually, and some will come to any consideration of Christian claims with considerable suspicion.  If this describes you at all, I’m glad you’re here. Welcome!

Speaking of life change. “Rogaine changed my life!” If you ever happen to find yourself standing behind me, you will instantly discover two things.

First, I never tried Rogaine, which promises to treat baldness. Second,  I appear to be a good candidate for Rogaine. As ubiquitous as cockroaches in a rundown apartment complex are the advertisements on our screens promising life change.

(Ok. Ok. I tried Rogaine once, for a day. It felt stupid and I threw all the icky bottles away. Back then my balding spot looked like a monastic tonsure style haircut, so I went with it. I got TONS of compliments at the local convent of sisters, “Who cuts your tonsure, Father?” I was pretty hip, NOT. As is not one compliment… 🙄)

We make fun of these advertisements, dismiss them as gimmicks and get on with our day to day lives. Yet sometimes we want the gimmick because we want our lives to change. At best the gimmick usually gets us going for an enthusiastic or often merely aspirational start at getting our acts together.

“This time will be different!”

Gives way to

“Eh, maybe next time”.    

Do These Three Things:

1. Change your Daily Schedule

2. Change your Weekly Schedule

Life change is a massive pile off nails, stacks of wood, and a big red box of tools. There are enough materials to build an impressive two-story house. A house is built in stages, from the foundation to the exterior, to the interior, to furnishing, and finally to the decorating. Before you begin you need to have some idea of the kind of house you want to build. 🏠

Sketch out the “house” (the kind of life you want) define your goals, and make an action plan; then, with right tools for the job (and maybe you need someone to show you how to use those tools properly) get to it. Great, you probably knew all of that. There are tons of books and blogs in the self-help category to help you scaffold your schedule for life change.

For all the affirmations, dreaming, and scheming, at the end of the day if you want to change your life you have to change your schedule. If there is no time carved out in solid stone in your week to pursue your goal then your plan will fail. How often? Pretty much every single time.

How ‘s that for motivation? Want to change?

Then your change your schedule!!!

Here’s The Third Thing to Do To Change Your Life

3. Change Your Circle of Influence

From Scripture to social science to social media we know that our motivation is massively maligned or massively magnified by the people around us. However, most of us cannot and should not simply dump our present circle of friends, family, and co-workers to “upgrade” our circle of influence.

Beware the lie! 😲

There is a a dangerous idea that floats around our lives, the “only if” lie.

“Only if I looked like her, only if I was married to him, only if I was single, only if I had money,  only if I was younger, older, only if I lived somewhere else, only if, etc.”

The “only if” lie is a terrible influencer. Why? Because of instead of motivating you to look at the materials you have to work with and getting busy building, it slumps you on the couch of unhelpful comparison and sometimes, dangerous resentment.

Sure, you may need to step back on some relationships that are less than helpful or set firm boundaries with negative people, but you can begin to change your life right now in your present circumstances. Often, if you do that, not only will you change for the better, but you will lift up the people around you, too.

Changing Your Life Can Help Others Change

Will others always be lifted up? No. But more often than the “only if” lie says.

(Only if my bald spot didn’t continue to grow. Only if I hadn’t used a chainsaw to trim the rose bushes. I know. I know. Bad idea. Let’s move on.)

How do you change your circle of influence right where you are? Connect with new people, especially offline. Also, read and listen to the kind of people who are living the change you want to be.

Without a positive circle of influence you will find it hard to show up each day to the worksite of self-improvement. Eventually, you’ll  probably stop showing up all together.

The God Factor

Positive life change is often an advertised consequence of sincere religious commitment.  Does life change follow a choice to become a Christian? It often does and should.

History is full of women and men whose lives were changed , sometimes instantly, sometimes gradually over years, after coming to faith or after beginning to take their faith seriously for the first time. 

The fact that Christians often fail to live up to the high ideal of Jesus’ teachings about sacrificial love, service, and forgiveness should not be surprising. We are human, too. In fact, we should be among the first people to admit our faults, because that is a requirement of our faith. To many of us settle for a casual commitment to our faith, instead of one that transforms our lives.

I could go into details how being a Christian gives you several new sets of power sources, tools, motivations, and, circles of friends to approach your goals for life change. All of that is valuable and I think you can make some of those connections on your own. 💡

A Warning about Life Change and the Christian Faith

WARNING! Faith is not a magic wand to getting everything you want. Faith is not a magic wand to side stepping sorrow. Faith is also a journey. You do not know where you will be led once you accept Christ or begin taking your Christian faith more seriously. God will challenge you in ways you may resent at first, and you will have to deal with considerations others do not.

The Good News is that the house of your life that God has in mind for you is more marvelous, more enchanting, and more gratifying than anything you could conceive or achieve  on your own. It’s not that as Christians we stop dreaming or stop having plans for our lives; hardly, rather our dreams and our plans are offered up to a greater dream and a greater plan for the sake of God and the sake of others.

The results will often be surprisingly, the way often hard, but the life, abundant.

(If you’re not ready for Religion yet, that’s ok. Try Rogaine instead.)

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